Sad Morning

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One of the toughest things to go through is seeing your mom who has always been a rock and strong, go through her toughest fight yet. That is her dementia/ brain injury,  every morning I never know what kind of a day we’re going to have. Today was not a good one. When I heard her TV was on I went in to check on her and see how she was, her eyes were a bit puffy and a little red. I said” Good Morning” and she didn’t say much, so I asked if she had a good sleep when I looked at her she looked really sad.  I asked her if she was ok? She looked at me and started crying.  I asked her what was wrong and she said she had an accident. I said it was ok, no worries.  Then she started crying some more saying ” she was a bad person”. I told her No, absolutely not.  So she got up, I got her washed and dressed and while we were doing that she said:” I should just Die, you’re already doing so much and I can’t do anything!” I gave her a hug and said ” No, don’t wish that, and No I’m not doing too much. ” It would devastate me if she thought that way.  When we were all done, she started to climb back into bed. So I said what are you doing?  She said ” I’m going back to bed, ” The mean daughter that I am said: Oh no, going to bed is not going to help you feel any better! She started balling and it broke my heart but I knew that if I let her go back to bed, it would only wallow and get deeper in her depression. So she came out to the living room and “not to happy” mind you and still upset. She didn’t want to eat, but I knew when I put the TV on and get her mind off of herself it might help change her mood.

So I made her Soft boiled egg and I cut the toast into ” little Soldiers” she liked to call them. I brought it out to her and I think she was happy. I’m not sure but she ate it and took her pills. I put on MERLIN her new series she likes, and she’s been quiet but at least she’s not crying and I think her mood has picked up a bit.  I’m sure once hubby is home from his 3 days of being away might help too.   I just hate it when she has such a sad face, she’s been really missing my dad. She wants to fly back for Christmas so hopefully, we’ll be able to make it happen.  Until then tomorrow will be a different day.

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