What a week it’s been, Mom and I have had a very challenging week. I fear her Dementia has been increasing. The hardest part about Dementia is this, that we never know what our day is going to be like. Of course that’s like anything in life right? Well the difference is that I never know if Mom is going to be in a good mood, or bad mood and that dictates how my day is going to go.
So this week, I did an epic failure and trust me I learned my lesson lol. I booked too many things (appointments ) together in one week. As well it was an appointment that she absolutely did NOT want to go to. So that in itself was hard to get her to go. We had to go see about her getting a Colonoscopy test done. Now she was thinking that it was the actual test , so when I kept telling her No it’s just a consult, she wouldn’t believe me. Go figure. After that was done and he suggested she have it done, because of her having loose stools so often, I thought I would treat her to supper at her favourite restaurant Smitty’s.
It kind of helped but she was very angry and upset with me for taking her in the first place. So when she finally ordered her food, she asked me for her bank card. I said sure , then I asked her what it was that she was buying? She said” None of your business” then she said she had to go to the bathroom and got up and slowly made her way to the gas station store. In my head I was telling myself to let her go on her own, but my heart wanted to join her to help her in case she got weak or needed help. But my head is like NOPE she wants space. So I convinced myself to sit at the table and if it took too long then go check her out. Well sure enough, the cashier came around and asked his partner for some help. So right away I jumped up thinking the worst that she fell. Well when I got there she started firmly saying “NEVER MIND” to the boy behind the counter, then turned to me and said” Can’t I breathe without you down my neck?” So I explained and then that helped a little. Then she proceeded to go to the Bank machine , I once again left her alone. Inside my heart was breaking, because I could tell she was struggling. So when I saw her sit down on her walker I then again went over and asked if she was ok? She said the machine was broken. So I tried it and it worked. Which once again frustrated her even more. When I asked if she was ready to leave, she very angrily said ” she would leave when she’s ready”
So I paid for supper which wasn’t a hit for her, then waited. When she was finally ready to go, the whole time walking to the car, she kept complaining about how my Dad has a scooter and he can go anywhere he wants he doesn’t have to depend on anyone( which isn’t exactly true) and her friend does what she wants when she wants. She then said that she will never be able to do anything without my or my husband’s help. She then started to cry and was quiet the rest of the drive home. I tried to let her know that they have different problems then her. She has different challenges , but she doesn’t see it.
It broke my heart, to see her struggle. When there’s nothing I can do to make it better. She’s also been asking if she has to take so many pills for the rest of her life? When I say yes, she just gets more upset. It’s been a challenging week for sure. Next week we are going in to get New Glasses hopefully that will cheer her up and I also got her Hearing Aids so she doesn’t have to struggle listening to the TV. So we’ll see how that goes.
My biggest fear is that she’s going downhill faster than we anticipated, and I’m hoping she’ll be ok for at least a year until we get back to Ontario. But Time will tell. I have asked God so many times to let her be ok, I don’t dare ask any more favours. I do get to spend our precious time together and I am grateful for the good and bad everyday.